Yes, it is time once again to ask the question, what makes Tim tick? Is it a bomb? Did he swallow an alarm clock? Where is that sound coming from?! IT’S DRIVING US CRAZY!
The Wall Street Journal got some face time (actual faces, actual time) with Apple CEO Tim Cook: “Tim Cook on Why Apple’s Huge Bets Will Pay Off”
Read on to find out if he says it’s because you Apple fans will buy anything the company sells because it’s all just marketing. You dopes. (Spoiler: he does not say this.)
Cook describes his morning routine.
The first thing Tim Cook does when he wakes up is check his iPhone.
Tim has long been subscribed to several hilarious Tumblr accounts of cats failing to jump up on the kitchen counter. It’s a fun way to start the day.
No, Cook is doing business stuff! Checking emails, reviewing sales reports, finding out which executives are leaving, ordering more staples and copy paper, gossiping with Mel in accounting about Beth in logistics who has a crush on Barb, but not the one from procurement, the one in accounts receivable. Does this sound right? The Macalope hasn’t worked in an office for a while but that’s what he remembers going on.
Then he puts the phone away. It’s time to get his own pulse up.
He turns on political news.
No, that is also a hilarious joke (hilarious). In reality, he works out with his Apple Watch and AirPods. When he’s done, he uses a MacBook Air. Then a MacBook Pro. And, then, for some reason, an iMac. Seriously, he said this. He’s out of control.
“Every day,” he says, “every product.”
iPhone 16 silicone case? Yep. 30W USB-C power adapter. Check. AirTag FineWoven Key Ring? Yes. In all the colors.
It’s a good thing he does not actually run a dog food company or he’d be as sick as one.
Dog food company CEO, mouth full of kibble: “I HAVE TO EAT OUR DOG FOOD! IT’S CALLED ‘DOGFOODING’!”
Dog food company CEO’s spouse: “BUT IT’S KILLING YOU! NO ONE IS SUPPOSED TO EAT THAT MANY SNOUTS!”
Cook and other Apple executives repeat one of the company’s long-time mantras:
Not first, but best.
Indeed, this is evidenced today as, according to Mark Gurman, Apple believes it’s two years behind its rivals in AI technology. This is born out of the company’s current strategy of integrating other AI products into its operating systems, outsourcing the job of telling users to eat rocks and glue.
IDG
It’s worth noting that Apple was also behind on mapping capabilities when it ended its integration relationship with Google but has since caught up on at least enough to make the difference negligible for most users. Being behind doesn’t mean it’ll always be behind.
But let’s get back to Tim Cook, who is still ticking like an alternator attached to a dead battery. We’re about to find that one of the things that makes him tick is sucralose.
…he drinks Diet Mountain Dew, though not as much as he once did, because Apple doesn’t stock his favorite soda.
Just imagine a sad Tim Cook standing in front of a vending machine with a dollar in his hand.
“Oh, darn! Ah, guess ah’ll just git a Sprite, then.” [heavy sigh]
Dude, you could make Wink Cola come back if you wanted to. The Macalope’s pretty sure someone can get you some damn diet Mountain Dew.
“Area Man Owns Every Apple Product But Can’t Get Diet Mountain Dew”
One of the peculiar things about Apple is how many of its most successful products once appeared to be failures.
Yeah, weird! Happens so much someone could almost have a reasonably successful career as a mythical beast based on it!
Cook is refreshingly honest about the Vision Pro.
“At $3,500, it’s not a mass-market product,” Cook says. “Right now, it’s an early-adopter product.”
Presumably, the rumored $2,000 Vision, which could be coming as early as next year, will be more of an on-time-adopter product, or just fashionably early, if that’s a thing.
The Journal manages to tease some interesting anecdotes and perspectives out of Cook for this piece if it is a bit hagiographic. Still, Cook and Apple are pretty successful. A soupçon hagiography isn’t that out of place.
